Long trip report but I want to share my experiences with y’all beautiful souls

To preface I’ve done lsd about 4 times and shrooms once before this. The lsd I’ve taken never took me on insane visual trips, rather I became like a child and felt connected to other people. Whether this was because of low doses or what idk but nothing serious ever happened to me on lsd. About a month ago I acquired some shrooms and to test them I took about a gram and chilled. All I really felt was happy and not so burdened by the normal pressure of social interaction. I assumed it would be similar to lsd on a higher dose and boy was I wrong on so many levels. I took 3 grams of shrooms mixed with some eggs and ketchup to mask the taste and went on my merry way. Sort of sat on my couch alone for 20 minutes until I started to feel the same happiness and less anxiety than usual. Within 45 minutes I had descended into what only can be described as lunacy or enlightenment im still not sure and as I journal and process the trip I’m still learning more. I embarked on this journey alone and so I walked outside because I felt I was being pulled. After this all I can remember is sitting on the dock of a lake and closing my eyes and experiencing everything and nothing all at once. I saw patterns that are only described as godlike and faces I still cannot draw no matter what my mind tells me to draw. After I came home I laid in my dark room listening to music and truly acknowledged the concept of suicide that I had been dealing with but in denial of. Even writing this I am trembling with anticipation of communication again with myself on such a level. I decided to accept that I was having dark thoughts and I began to spiral and talk to myself in the dark facing a mirror. This is of course what my kind tells me to remember, I have no idea if this even happened. After about 6.5 hours I came out of the stupor I was in smoked a bowl to relax and put some meditation music on. It took awhile to fall asleep and today I am absolutely destroyed but I can’t help feeling like this was the best experience of my life this far. I can go into more detail but this is already buttfuck long so I’m gonna leave you all with happy tripping and I feel like I’m actually understanding this community now. Peace and love y’all.